Is Moving Too Fast in Relationships a Problem?

Posted by on Apr 15, 2021 in Couples Counseling | Comments Off on Is Moving Too Fast in Relationships a Problem?

We all know someone who has had a whirlwind romance. They meet their partner, fall in love, move in together, marry within just a few short months, and go on to live happily ever after. That’s really fast! While some fast relationships are ultimately successful, there are many others that have been ruined. Here are some things to consider when you’re moving too fast.

Relationships and Cakes Have A Lot in Common

Dating is meant to be a process in which you determine whether or not the other person is right for you. If you take the “We just know we are right for each other!” approach and dive into a relationship very quickly, you’re skipping some important steps in the process. It takes time to really get to know someone. Just because it looks like a relationship and feels like a relationship, doesn’t mean that it’s actually a relationship! It’s like calling a bowl of cake batter a cake. The batter still tastes amazing all by itself but that doesn’t make it a cake! It’s not a cake until it has baked for a while.

Missing Out on Important Information

If you move too fast, you are going to miss out on some really important information that you could learn about your partner. For example:

  • What are your partners’ liabilities, flaws, etc.?  
  • How does your partner handle stress, frustration, and setbacks?
  • What if they are hiding something from their past? 
  • As you get to know them, what ways does their personality come out when they let their guard down?

You just can’t know everything about your partner if you’ve only been together for a few weeks. Sometimes people don’t discover things about their partner until much later. When this information does finally come out (and it will), it may be too late or at least very difficult to extricate yourself from the relationship. You already have so much invested in the relationship that you can’t easily get out of it. You don’t want to be in the position where you say to yourself, “If only I had known…”

Take the Time

Learning about your partner takes time and patience. The process also helps lay the groundwork for the relationship. Plus, dating is fun! There’s no particular time limit, but a few weeks, or even a few months, may not be enough time to really get to know somebody.

When you are dating, there are plenty of opportunities to have fun and experience new things together. This helps you understand each other better and learn more about one another’s character and personality. If you move too fast, you may focus more on the “relationship” as an entity instead of being two people who choose one another. It’s as if the choosing already happened. Thus you move on to where you want to be before really deciding if the relationship is in your best interests.

The bottom line? If you want to find a lasting relationship, your odds of success are better if you take things slow and resist moving full speed ahead.

Yes, it’s true that some couples who meet, date and marry quickly do work out in the end. But many more do not. If you are concerned that you are moving too fast, it’s okay to slow down. Also, counseling can help you both with this process.  Please find out today how couples counseling can help.

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