How to Impress your Partner on Valentine’s Day

Posted by on Jan 31, 2015 in Couples Counseling For One | Comments Off on How to Impress your Partner on Valentine’s Day

A Simple Plan for showing your Partner How you Really Feel

Valentine’s Day is here again. It’s the time of year when couples show their love and appreciation for one another. Most of the time, we keep it all very traditional: Flowers, candy, dinner, romance, intimacy.

While all these things can be very enjoyable, if we aren’t careful, the holiday can become very scripted. Often, people don’t put a lot of genuine thought into it. We do what’s expected.

Of course, that’s not to say that you don’t mean it. It’s just that the usual Valentine’s routine may not reflect your special connection. Flowers and dinner out just don’t seem to express to your partner how you really feel.

To go above and beyond the typical Valentine’s Day niceties, do something unique and different to show your gratitude and appreciation.

Consider this simple process for showing your love:

Make a list of 5 things that make day-to-day life with your partner wonderful. Be specific. Focus in on actions, behaviors, examples, and situations.

Does your partner make you a cup of coffee every morning? Can you always count on her for a morning kiss or hug hello after work? Do you feel cared for because he never forgets to hold open your door? What daily displays of kindness does he or she perform that endear him or her to you? We show our partners we care for them in little ways all the time. They are often simple, random acts that connect us and demonstrate our love.

List 5 of your partner’s best qualities. Focus on your partner’s characteristics and defining attributes. What do you like most about your partner? Is he or she kind, considerate, compassionate or friendly? Does he or she have a great sense of humor?

Share your lists with your partner.

  • Speak up. Share your list face to face. Be genuine and attentive. Don’t worry about being great with words or super creative. Simply verbalize to your partner your special list of warm thoughts and praises.
  • Write it down. You might choose to share your feelings through writing. You could spend some time penning a love letter or series of letters, detailing the actions, circumstances, and traits you previously listed to be delivered on or before Valentine’s Day. Don’t worry too much about grammar and editing. Your letter won’t be published or even viewed by anyone else.

This is simply an opportunity to make your partner feel loved in an unforgettable way. One that is specific to your relationship. The goal is to remind your partner of his or her special place in your life in black and white. He or she will be able to read it again and again, each time feeling closer and more bonded to you. No Hallmark card will express your feelings as well.

Regardless of how you choose to share your feelings with your partner, the idea is to give some thought to the things you appreciate and value in your mate. This way, we sincerely give him or her the positive feedback and encouragement we may forget to provide on a regular basis.

Unfortunately, we tend to be much more willing to give our partners negative feedback.

Consider the number of times we share our thoughts and feelings about things we don’t like or are unhappy about. How often do we emphasize what we like, value, and appreciate?

This activity is so unique and special primarily because, typically, most couples don’t take the time to do this for one another. Loving expression requires commitment and awareness, but is essential for any long-term relationship.

The response to this activity is almost always favorable. We love to hear good things about ourselves. Our egos welcome the heartfelt strokes! Sharing your love goes a long way toward strengthening the connection between you and your partner.

Make your partner your everyday valentine. Make a habit of being mindful of the things that make your connection precious.

Practice sharing your love, respect, and appreciation often.

Showing your love is always a good idea, one that needn’t be saved for predictable holiday fanfare or anniversary expressions.

As long as you are truthful and honest about the way you feel, your efforts will be well received on Valentine’s Day and throughout the year.



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