How to Know if You’re Moving Too Fast: Warning Signs

Posted by on Apr 30, 2021 in Couples Counseling | Comments Off on How to Know if You’re Moving Too Fast: Warning Signs

People who move too fast are not alone. In fact, it’s a pretty common problem for relationships. However, it’s more important to slow down, enjoy the relationship, and take the time to get to know your partner. If you think your relationship has been progressing at blazing speed, take a moment to consider these moving too fast warning signs.

You Believe Your Partner is Perfect

Believing that your partner is perfect is easy to do when you’re just starting out dating. That’s because you don’t know much about them! When you don’t have all of the information, you use your imagination to fill in the gaps. You don’t think anything about them is bad, just that they are all good.

When describing your new partner, you use words such as “funniest, sweetest, sexiest” person ever. But no one is perfect. If you find yourself only noticing the positive attributes about your partner, slow down! Get to know them better. Everyone has flaws, but that doesn’t mean you have to “kick them to the curb.” Take time to learn your partner’s flaws so you can decide if they are something you can live with or if they are deal-breakers.

Big Promises are Made Early On

Another sign to slow down is when one or both of you make big promises after dating for only a few days or weeks. If you are talking about moving in together or getting married, then those are obvious red flags. But there are other things to consider too. If you’ve just met and are already talking about attending a wedding together in a different state six months from now, that’s another one of the moving too fast warning signs.

Wanting to Meet Friends and Family Right Away

It’s natural to want to learn more about the people in your partner’s life and to meet their friends and family. But it’s not a good idea to fully immerse yourself in your partner’s social life from the get-go of a relationship. Wait until you know and like the person well enough on an individual basis. Then decide if you want to bring them into your social circle. If you want to be involved with your partner’s family and friends too quickly, this might be a sign that you don’t have a strong friend/family group of your own and are trying to fill a void.  

You Focus on Feelings Instead of Facts

You love this person and they love you. It feels right so it must be right. Yet, when you treat feelings as facts, you often ignore facts that contradict your feelings. So, you end up ignoring red flags that might otherwise make you reconsider certain choices.

For example, showing up unannounced at your work with flowers and always wanting to know where you are may seem romantic at first. However, these are also warning signs of possible toxic behaviors. That might be hard to see if you are caught up in the romance of it all. Pay attention to the facts of the relationship, not just the feelings involved. This will help you make an informed choice about whether this relationship is right for you.

You’ve Lost Your Sense of Self

Love is a gentle merging of two people, not a vanishing act for your individuality. It’s normal to want to spend 24-7 together at first. However, it’s important to have some degree of separation so you can each devote time and energy to your own friends, family, and interests. If you can’t make decisions by yourself, abandon long-held values, or begin identifying you and your partner more as a single “we” unit versus two people in a relationship, it may be time to step back. Have a conversation with your partner about this. It’s important that you don’t lose yourself in the relationship.

If, after reading these “moving too fast” warning signs, you believe that you need help, seek out support through couples therapy.

Online Therapy Available NowRead More