7 Signs Your Relationship is in Trouble

Posted by on Jun 15, 2019 in Couples Counseling | Comments Off on 7 Signs Your Relationship is in Trouble

A lot of times people will look to blame their partner for problems in the relationship.  Yet, they rarely, if ever, reflect on how their actions have also caused trouble. After all, it’s easier to pin the blame on your partner than it is to see your actions in the light of day.

If you think this might apply to you, consider these 7 signs your relationship is in trouble.

1. You React with Anger to Feedback

The first sign that your relationship is in trouble is when you react angrily to feedback from your partner. When your partner gives you feedback, you become very defensive. You shut down your partner so they can’t get across what they want to say. This doesn’t help at all with keeping the lines of communication open between the two of you. Some examples of anger include:

  • Giving them the silent treatment
  • Having an emotional breakdown
  • Screaming at your partner

There’s a reason why you use these tactics on your partner. You’re not interested at all with what they have to say. This is true even when there might be a kernel of truth to their feedback.

2. Being Closed Off to New Experiences

Another warning sign that your relationship is in trouble is your response to having new experiences together. When you both first were a couple you probably were more open to new experiences. Yet, now you have fallen into a routine and are more resistant. For example, if your partner suggests a different place to eat you might respond by saying, “You know I don’t like that restaurant.” Now, of course, no one should be forced to do something they don’t want to do.  Yet, at the same time, it helps to be open to trying new things together

3. Engaging in Deception vs. Building Trust

If your words are not matching your actions with your partner, that is surely an indicator that your relationship is in trouble. That’s because they contradict one another. An example is when you say, “I love you,” yet you don’t do anything to demonstrate that love. It’s a message that is confusing to your partner and endangers the health of the relationship. Ultimately honesty is key to any relationship. Determine whether your works and actions match up with each other.

4. You Overstep Relationship Boundaries

This is when you clearly step over the line with the boundaries established in the relationship. Two examples include:

  • Speaking for the other person
  • Assuming your partner has the same beliefs you do without asking

These actions can be upsetting to your partner. That’s because you are not seeing them as a whole person and an individual. Instead, support your partner to have their own identity, interests, and pursuits.

5. Your Relationship is in Trouble When There’s a Lack of Affection

When the relationship is in trouble affection and intimacy are severely impacted. Sex becomes less intimate and more impersonal and mechanical. The cause is often the negative self-talk that you say to yourself. For instance, blaming them when something is wrong in the relationship. This discourages you from connecting with your partner in a meaningful way.  Rather, it’s important to change the perspective on intimacy for how it plays an important role in connecting with your partner.

6. You Have a Skewed Perception of Your Partner

In a troubled relationship, you might have a skewed perception of your partner. On the one hand, you might put them on a pedestal of perfection. Or, on the other hand, you pick apart every mistake that they make. In turn, you believe that you are superior to your partner. Neither helps with promoting a healthy relationship. Rather, in an ideal relationship, you see your partner for both their strengths and their flaws. You accept your partner for all of these things and who they are as an individual.

7. You Manipulate Your Partner Instead of Asking What You Need

Finally, instead of using assertive communication to express your needs, you manipulate your partner to get what you want. For example:

  • Crying
  • Emotionally falling apart in front of them
  • Giving them the silent treatment

You fall into these roles because they are familiar to you. Most likely you have been using them for years. However, in a healthy relationship, both partners see each other as equals.  In this setting, instead of using the above behaviors to get your needs met, you use assertive communication. For example, “Could you help me with these tasks?”

It’s important to note that if there is one or two of these traits present, that doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. If you notice though that many or a majority is present, then they can indicate your relationship is in trouble. The answer to this problem is getting help through couples counseling.

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